I;ve heard of this book for a quite long time but, due to the work commitment, i was unable to have a look at it. After the heartaching incident happened this afternoon, it has motivates me to google and search for the contents of the book and here are the summary:
a) The differences of need:
-Men primarily need:
1.Trust
2.Acceptance
3.Admiration
4.Approval
5.Appreciation
6.Encouragement
- Women on the other hand need:
1.Caring
2.Understanding
3.Respect
4.Devotion
5.Validation
6.Reassurance
Why We Argue
Common things men and women argue about are money, sex,
decisions, scheduling, values, child rearing, and household responsibilities.
When these discussions and negotiations turn into painful arguments, it is for
one reason — we are not feeling loved.
Most of these arguments occur not
because two people disagree but because either the man feels that the woman
disapproves of his point of view or of him, when in fact she disapproves because
he is not validating her point of view or speaking to her in a caring way. This
leads to an escalating argument rooted in both parties not feeling their needs
being met.
When men and women learn to approve and validate, they will no
longer have to argue. They can instead negotiate differences.
b)Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex
-Here are some suggestions that Gray offers:
1.Give her a hug
2.Practice listening and asking questions
3.Surprise her for no special reason with flowers
4.Make her dinner
5.Compliment her looks
6.Validate her feelings when she is upset
7.When she talks to you, put down the magazine or turn off the TV and give her your full
attention
8.Wash before having sex
9.Wash her car
10.Take her side when she is upset with someone
So what about with men? How can a woman score points with them? Well, it’s
all about appreciation. When a woman verbally tells a man that she appreciates
what he does for her, this scores big points with him.
This works especially
well when a man learns to do many small things for his partner, as we just
discussed. He will feel loved and want to continue to fulfill her resulting in a
cycle of increasing love.
Here are some ways that women can score with men:
1.He makes a mistake and she doesn’t say “I told you so” or offer advice.
2.He disappoints her and she doesn’t punish him.
3.He gets lost while driving and she doesn’t make a big deal out of it.
4.When he withdraws she doesn’t make him feel guilty
5.She is happy to see him when he gets home.
c)How to Communicate Difficult Feelings
Write a letter to express both feelings.
FINALLY...
d)How to Ask for Support and Get It
If you are not getting the support that you want and need in a relationship, the main culprit may be simply because you’re not asking. Asking for love and support is essential to the success of any relationship.
2 comments:
"He disappoints her and she doesn’t punish him."
Ni je i nak highlight kat u. Dont punish him just because he couldnt read "maksud tersirat" in ur sms ok. Remember, men are very practical people. Yes means yes, and no means no.. ;P
haha.i realised that when m angry, he will reply a very short sentence. But when we are okay, he will gv me few lines.heheh
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